Tuesday, June 24, 2008

I never knew...

I never knew what a slow healing wound grief is. I've had other people close to me pass away, both my mothers parents passed in 2002, but lets face it, they were OLD! They died of natural causes with resolved lives. Having someone so young taken so violently and so UNnaturally just cuts to the core.
it's been one year and 3 months and it still brings me to tears to think of it but I can tell my wound is slowly closing.
Earlier in the month I had a birthday. While I was making my guest list and "eviting" people I went through and decided to tidy my contact list. When I came to Karens name, I felt it was time to take that tiny stitch out of my wound. I deleted her from my address book. I still can't believe it. It feels like I'm betraying her although I know if she were here she'd be saying "oh get OVER it" lol
That night I skipped the first part of worship team practice and sat in on the Grief Share group I used to attend. I couldn't even tell them what I had done, I just wrote it down in my journal.
Today I'm changing my Myspace name back to Laura Chin. I've been A Sister Mourns for a long time now! It's a big step for me and an even bigger one to write it down here.


Sooze said...

I haven't been able to delete my mom's cell phone number from my cell phone. And the number for my dad still says Mom and Dad (even though he is getting re-married.)

It's a tricky thing. I know what you are going through.

I'm praying for you my friend!!

P.S. You are going to be "A Sister Mourns" for the rest of your life. It isn't going to stop just because you changed your name. It's okay!!!

Mona said...

I know exactly how you feel. I have not been able to delete her from my phone or email. Each time I see it, I feel pain, but feel more when I try to delete. It takes a long time to heal, I guess. You are right...she would have some smart crack for us!

Cat said...

I hear ya sister. I still send her group emails cuz I can't bear to do otherwise...